Life was never easy for Kamala Shrestha. But after her husband left for foreign employment, things turned worse for this young woman of Khotang district. No wonder that she suffers from bouts of depression. Despite taking medicine for the last eight years, her condition has not improved. 

She easily forgets things she has just told a few minutes back. The mother of a 5-year-old daughter is fighting hard not to lose her mental equilibrium. She blames none other than her cruel family members for her misfortune. 

Similar is the condition of Rajina Rai of Diktel - 8. After her husband left for Kuwait, she became an easy target of her neighbors. She would become the talk of the town if she was seen speaking to any man. Even her normal activities would remain under public scrutiny. Her freedom was seized -- and that was not all. The jealous neighbors went on to poison the ears of her husband, who was toiling hard in a foreign land. 

“They would attack my character and my husband would trust them. One day my husband decided to leave me for good," said Rajina, who was married back in 2001. "I would have committed suicide. But then who would look after my kids?" she cries bitterly. Rajina would go to some solitary corner and cry her heart out every now and then. But that would not help her from slipping into acute depression. 

Kamala and Rajina are representative cases. Actually, depression is very common among the women whose husbands live out of the country for foreign employment. 

The Information Center of Safe Migration Project of Khotang District reports that there are over 50 women in the district alone who are currently suffering from depression due to several kinds of mental torture and pressure after their husbands left for Gulf countries for work. 

Most of such women are found in Diktel, Bamrang, Nerpa, Rajapani, Mahadevsthan and Kharmi VDCs. These women say that absence of husband is taken as a very big weakness of women and this is the root cause of all kinds of ill treatment they are subject to. 

In addition, the burden to raise children single handedly gives tough time to them. As they cannot share their feelings and tension with anyone, they slip into bouts of depression, analyzes Lomnani Rijal, depression therapist employed by the project. 

"The women are further distressed as they regularly hear news such of death and disappearance of the men working abroad." Widening distance between the couples, news of second marriage of the husbands living aboard, failure of some to sending money back home due to various reasons such as exploitation and frauds are other reasons that trigger depression among the women, Rijal added. 

According to her, it is very natural that mothers´ situation affects their kids. Unhappy and pessimistic mothers cannot pass on positive feelings to the children. “Thus foreign employment is giving depression not only to women but also to their children," Rijal noted. “The kids of those whose fathers or mothers are living abroad for long have not been able to perform well in studies. They are backward in other activities as well. It´s not difficult to understand that they find themselves in stress," she added. 

To make the matter worse, even physical abuses are common among such women. Family members, especially in-laws find it easy to target those women whose husbands are working abroad. Kamala has a lot of such experiences. Once when her mother-in-law had beaten her badly, Kamala nearly collapsed. 

Her left eye sustained injuries. Soon after this incident, she, along with her daughter, shifted to a makeshift hut nearby instead of living under the same roof with the family. "I would have narrated all my ordeals if there had a few. But there are so many of them," added Kamala, brushing off her tears. 

Such a harrowing life was beyond her wildest thought when she had fallen for her man and went on to marry him back in 2005. Her misfortune began right after the marriage after her husband´s family did not accept her. 

As her husband could not bring her home due to strong resistance from his family, she was compelled to stay at her paternal house at Fatehpur of Saptari district for long time. When her daughter turned seven-month-old, she started living with her husband. 

But her marriage was never duly registered and her daughter is yet to get the birth certificate. "My daughter cannot attend school without the certificate. But how can I go about it without our marriage certificate?" whines Kamal. 

Many mothers who are not supported by their husbands are thus deprived of even birth certificate for their kids. It´s not that father´s name or birth certificate is necessarily needed for the birth certificate. However, local authorities hesitate to help such women due to lack of clear provisions and strict directives from the Home Ministry when it comes to such a matter. 

"This kind of gender-based discrimination also makes women feel low," remarked Rijal. According to Jaylaxmi Rai of Khartachhamki village, the only reason she had let her husband go for foreign employment was the hope that they could come out of poverty. 

"However, instead of sending money back home, he happened to end even what was in hand," said Rai. "That only added financial burden to me. There are debts to pay besides eking out a living," said Rai in faint voice. Unable to cope with the pressure Rai has recently sought divorce with husband and has started living at her maternal house along with the kids. 

So far, 53 women who are suffering from depression have been approached by the project team. Besides psychological counseling and treatment, they are being given several kinds of skill-oriented trainings, too, said Bhatka Rai, district coordinator of the project. 

Published on: 19 June 2014 | Republica