Male migrants return home to find families ties broken, dreams shattered 

Like thousands of other migrant workers, Chakra Bahadur Limbu of Bichghopa in Dharan-5 had left for Saudi Arabia with great expectations. He wanted to earn enough money so that after his return home he could live happily with his family. 

Everything was hunky dory when he returned home on a holiday after working for 23 months. His parents, wife and children were more than happy to see him and he took solace in the fact that his hard earned money had brought happiness to all his family members. His next return home after 15 months however turned to be a nightmare. His 30-year-old wife Bimala Limbu lost her life in a brawl with him. 

Police investigation later revealed that Chakra had killed his wife after knowing she had an extra-marital affair. He and his parents had already known of Bimala´s wanton ways as she remained out of house for hours and came back home drunk. Chakra and his parents had long been admonishing Bimala to mend her ways. But her defiance brought matters to a point that Chakra eventually lost his temper and committed a crime that he had never imagined of. 

Talking to Republica, Chakra, who is currently in detention at Dharan Area Police Station, said, “I had never even thought that my wife would have an extra marital affair knowing that I had been toiling hard in a foreign land for her and my children. I had been weaving beautiful dreams of a blissful future and everything changed so fast,” added Chakra. 

Chakra´s is just a representative case. Many migrant workers who have left for foreign employment have returned home to find familial ties broken and dreams shattered. This has become a common feature in families of migrant workers, who return home after toiling hard for years in a foreign land.

It appears that things never worked the way Chakra wanted. He had been through a similar experience as his first wife too had an extra-marital affair. He divorced her when he learnt that she had conceived through an illicit affair with one of their acquaintances. It was then that he married Bimala. Chakra has a 20-years-old daughter from his first wife and eight-year-old girl from his second wife. 

The plight of another victim Bhim Bahadur Rai of Mangalbare in Dharan-11 is no different. While working in Malaysia as a migrant worker, Rai sent all his hard-earned money to his wife back home. He had even purchased plots of land in Katari of Udayapur and Bishnupaduka of Sunsari in the name of his wife. 

On February 21, 2014, Rai´s wife mysteriously went missing. Even the landlord of the house where she had been living had no idea about her whereabouts. Knowing this, Rai had flown back to Nepal only to learn that his wife had betrayed him. A police investigation later revealed that she had eloped with another tenant who lived in the same house with all the money Rai had been sending her all those years. Without giving it a second thought, Rai divorced his wife. Rai still works in Malasiya but he has no immediate plans of getting married. 

While men leave for foreign destinations to earn money, the social dynamics of Nepali society has undergone a complete transformation. It was common in the past for men to cheat their wives. But it is the wives now who have been deceiving their husbands. 

According to Deputy Superintendent of Police (DSP) at Dharan Area Police Post Sanjay Singh Thapa, domestic violence and a rift in familial ties appear when the families of migrant workers move into a rented house while the men go abroad for work. “While the men leave for foreign destinations for employment, their wives and children are left to fend for themselves. Moreover, they have complete liberty as there is no one to discourage them from baser human temptations. They only need a slight motivation to go wayward,” said Thapa. “Sadly, it is the children who bear the brunt after their parents part ways,” added Thapa. 

Thapa further revealed that most of the cases registered with the police are related to disputes between husband and wives after the migrant husband returns home. “Around 90 percent of the complaints here are filed by men seeking to part ways with their unfaithful wives. The number of male victims has increased surprisingly over the years,” said sub-inspector Yagya Kumari Subedi.

As per the record at women cell of Dharan Area Police Post, a total of 125 cases related to women and children were registered in the fiscal year 2013/14. Of the total, 84 complaints were filed by men seeking to find out the whereabouts of their missing wives. “It is their children who suffer when one of their parents go wayward. Despite everything, these people should think about the future of their children before giving in to carnal temptations,” said Subedi.

According to the secretary of Women Pressure Group Shila Bajracharya, in a majority of cases it is the male migrant workers who have become the victim of the unfaithfulness of their wives. "It was different in the past as in most cases it was the women who were the victims of their unfaithful husbands and domestic violence. But things have changed now as it is the women who have been betraying their husbands who toil hard in a foreign land for the family´s better future,” said Bajracharya. “But I am not saying that this is the case in all families of migrant workers,” added Bajracharya.

Published on: 30 July 2014 | Republica